I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
