dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
