Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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