you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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