You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
