I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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