Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
