I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
