when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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