mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
