the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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