Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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