Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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