I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
