Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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