never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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