All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
