Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
