Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
