he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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