these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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