JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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