just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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