Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
