I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
