then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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