I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
