why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
