i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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