i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
