If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
