Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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