I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
