when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
