I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
