my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
