Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
