He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
