I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
