you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
