I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
