Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
