Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it's great music for shaving your balls
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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