Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i will never coherently bang her
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
