I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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