he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
