genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i think i just naturally attract stoners
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
