Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
