I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
