just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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