Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
